13 Zingers To Have a Perfect Marriage By Red Skelton

Comedian Red Skelton was a huge star on stage and in the early days of Television. He was known as America’s Clown Prince. His jokes and stories were inventive and the entire family could get a laugh together.

The Red Skelton Show aired on NBC from 1951 until 1971. At that time, Red fine-tuned the format of a variety show that would be the model well until the 1980s. Shows like Hee-Haw, The Carol Burnett Show, and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and many others used the same television show format until the early 1980s. His show had been one of the top ten highest-rated television shows 17 of the 20 seasons it appeared on television.

Recipe for a Perfect Marriage

This was part of an opening monolog that Red would do during the opening act for the Red Skelton Show. This set of tips and circumstances are found in some form or another in just about every marriage.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”I said, “Dust!”.

The Legacy of Red Skelton

Before rising to prominence in TV, Red Skelton was on the radio and a movie actor appearing in more than 40 films. He had his start in his early years performing in medicine shows, circus acts, and vaudeville. One aspect that not too many people know is that Skelton was an active working artist. He painted over 1,000 oil paintings of clowns. It’s said his income from lithograph copies of his paintings netted him more money than acting. At the time of his death in 1977 is original oils went for $80,000 and up.

Red Skelton’s compositions total 4,000 songs and 64 symphonies. He conducted and created numerous CDs, and his works were performed by artists such as Arthur Fiedler, the London Philharmonic, and Van Clyburn. In addition, many of his works were purchased by Muzak for use as background music in workplaces and elevators. He is credited with over 8,000 songs and symphonies at the time of his death. Skelton died on September 17, 1997, at the age of 84.

Red Skelton’s Most Famous Tune

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Top 10 Best Will Rogers Quotes Of All Time

Will Rogers was born in 1879 in the area known as Indian Territory, which is now part of Oklahoma. He was an Entertainer and a humorist and traveled the world. In that time, he made 71 films and written more than 4,000 nationally syndicated paper columns.

Will Rogers – Courtesy Library of Congress

By the 1930s, Will Rogers was hugely popular in the United States for his political wit, and he was one of the highest-paid Hollywood film stars. He tragically died in 1935 with well-known Aviator Wiley Post when their small customized airplane crashed in a Northern Alaskan Lake.

One of the most endearing qualities of Will Rogers was his endless supply of notable quotes. For example, he penned the term, “ I never met a man I didn’t like,” and he even provided an Epitaph for his own gravestone he said, “When I die my Epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read, “I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn’t like.”  I’m so proud of it that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved.”

Will Rogers was a noted writer and commentator; his favorite topic was politics. In 1928, he even ran his own presidential campaign. It was a funny one, and it was a mock campaign he ran as a bunk-less candidate and the Anti-Bunk Party. He even noted, “I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”

Here are some of his most famous quotes on politics. 

Asked what issues would motivate voters? he said, “Prohibition of what’s on your hip is bound to be in your mind.”

Asked what does a farmer need? His answer is, “It’s obvious he needs a punch in the jaw if he believes that either of the parties cared a damn about him after the election.”

He was asked if voters can be fooled.? He said, “Darn tooting. Of all the bunk handed out during the campaign, the biggest one of all is to try to complement the knowledge of the voter.”

Finally, he was asked what the ugly campaign rumors are and he Stoicaaly replied, “Don’t worry, the things they whisper aren’t as bad as what they say out loud.” Will Rodgers was a man ahead of his time.

The Notable Will Rogers Quotes

Will Rogers and Ed Dowling – Courtesy Library of Congress

Will Rogers was only 56 years old when he died in an Alaskan plane crash. However, his long career involved Vaudeville, writing, movies, and thousands of newspaper columns. This lead to numerous quotes that are still applicable to these times. Here is a few of them.

“I have Indian blood in me. I have just enough white blood for you to question my honesty!”

“If they weren’t in Congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.”

“Even though you are on the right track – you will get run over if you just sit there.”

“Our foreign dealings are an open book — generally, a checkbook.”

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.”

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”

“Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.”

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”

“Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.”

“Last year we said, ‘Things can’t go on like this,’ and they didn’t, they got worse.”

“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”

“The farmer has to be an optimist, or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.”

“If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.”

“A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.”

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”

“Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.”

“About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.”

“If you ever injected truth into politics, you have no politics.”

“People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”

“The best way out of a difficulty is through it.”

“The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”

“On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government for four years, no matter what it does.”

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” 

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” 

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”

“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.” 

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” 

The Tragic Death of Will Rodgers and Willy Post

Wiley Post and his close buddy, noted humorist and popular culture icon Will Rogers, died in a plane crash at Point Barrow, Alaska, on August 15, 1935. With the possible exception of Charles Lindbergh, no other American aviator at the time was as well-known as Wiley Post. Rogers was widely seen as the country’s most skilled social critic. Their demise had a particularly severe influence on the two remarkable forces in American culture during the Great Depression — aviation and movies.

The Will Rogers Shrine of the Sun

Will Rogers Shrine of the Sun – Courtesy Library of Congress

There is a Will Rogers Shrine of the Sun atop Cheyenne Mountain. Nearly 8,000 feet above sea level, it is the highest point on the island. It offers a panoramic view of Colorado Springs and the surrounding area from atop Cheyenne Mountain.

In a two-part commemoration, Will Rogers Shrine of the Sun was named. The first is dedicated to Will Rogers, an actor, philosopher, and humorist who died tragically in an aircraft crash in 1935. The second is a tribute to the sun, which illuminates the tower’s sharp angles each morning and evening.

The Shrine was completed in 1937 and was 114 feet tall, made of Cheyenne Mountain granite quarried 700 feet distant from the construction site. It’s held together miraculously without the use of nails or wood. The tower was constructed with almost 200,000 pounds of steel and 30 wagon loads of cement.

Related Will Rogers Quotes and Other History Reading

Alexis de Tocqueville on the Saginaw Trail

In 1831, 26 year old Alexis de Tocqueville and his friend Gustave de Beaumont, took the ultimate road trip. The pair of French aristocrats journey from Buffalo New York to the Straights of Detroit with the intent of going to the last overland outpost of civilization; Saginaw.

Their travels predate Michigan’s statehood, the lumber industry, and homestead settlement, the story weaves a tale of what early Northwest territory life was like in the early 1800s. We travel with them along with the famous Saginaw trail meeting unique individuals hacking their way into virgin forests and meeting its native inhabitants. It’s also a commentary on the environment and how supposedly civilized society will forever impact nature.

It’s a fascinating tale, but be forewarned. It contains the ethnocentrism, laced with the tone of superior racism, that was all too common in those days. However, it also offers a historic keyhole view of what Michigan was like in 1831, like no other author has conveyed.

This small short story takes place 180 years before today’s concept of climate change. It’s a fascinating short story that is an excerpt of the book A Fortnight in the Wilderness and is now freely available for the first time anywhere as a podcast on Google Podcast and Apple Podcast

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Film Review: “To Keep the Light” – Women Lighthouse Keepers

A film written and directed by Erica Fae. Fae also stars in it. The film features breathtakingly beautiful vistas that surrounding a lighthouse on the Maine shoreline. “More than 300 women tended United States lighthouses during the 1800s, assuming the duties for their ailing or deceased husbands or fathers.” is the poignant reminder of the role woman played in United States history …

Film Review: To Keep the Light

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A Color Postcard of Bay City Michigan in 1908

1908 was a year of growth and expansion of Bay City Michigan. The lumber boom had ended and the city was growing into an industrial powerhouse.

Bay City 1908

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Largest Protest Marches in the United States

March 2018’s protest March For Our Lives aimed to take to the streets of Washington DC to demand that lives and safety become a priority and end gun violence that led to an epidemic of mass school shootings in the United States. This was the latest protest over the past two years that drew a record turnout during this one day event.

Protest marches and rallies in cities across the nation and in Washington DC is a uniquely American phenomenon. They can be key historical events and the US capital has done well over the years to ensure the safety and security of participants. Indeed, some of the largest protest marches and over the past twenty years have evolved into social and cultural movements.

Identified and protected in the US Constitution; “The First Amendment states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” This freedom has resulted in gatherings at our nation’s capital that have been attended by millions of people. Here are the most notable and largest marches on Washington DC.

March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom — August 28, 1963

This key civil rights march was attended by approximately 300,000 people. It is notable moment was when Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous “I have a Dream” speech. King spoke in front of the Lincoln Memorial, the monument honoring President Abraham Lincoln, who issued the Emancipation Proclamation.

In this historic speech, King said he had a dream that “white and black children would one day walk hand in hand and that one day sons of former slaves and sons of former slave owners would be able to agree to live together.” King’s message of nonviolence was broadcast and carried to a nationwide audience. The speech propelled King into national prominence in the United States.

The march is credited with the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Moratorium March on Washington — November 15, 1969

This protest was held at the height of the Vietnam War. Approximately 600,000 demonstrated against the war. Considered the largest march in the history of the United States at that point.

The protest culminated with over 500,000 demonstrators on the mall in front of the White House. Entertainer and activist Pete Seeger lead the crown by singing John Lennon’s song “Give Peace A Chance” for over ten minutes. Protesters continuously sang the chorus, “All we are saying … is give peace a chance”.

The Solidarity Day March — September 19, 1981

Solidarity Day March 1981 – Wikopedia

Attended by approximately 260,000 in 1981. This was a protesting President Ronald Reagan’s decision to fire 12,000 air traffic controllers because of them striking to demand wage increases and safer working conditions.

Inspired by the anti-Soviet Solidarity movement by labor unions in Poland it was considered the first major labor demonstration to have been organized since the 1930s. It was notable for bringing together many of the labor unions in the United States to stage the protest.

Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights — October 11, 1987

2nd National March for Lesbian and Gay Rights 1987 – Wikopedia

The “Great March” called upon the government to allocate budget and resources for AIDS research and treatment, as well as an end to discrimination against LGBT people. The protest included the first public display of Cleve Jones’ Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. It was attended by approximately 200,000 people

March for Life Rally – January 22, 1990

March for Life 1990 – National Right to Life News Today

Took place at the Washington Monument Grounds. Commemorated the 17th annual memorial rally of Roe v. Wade decision, on the ellipse. According to National Park Service estimates, over 700,000 people attend the rally.

The size of this annual rally grew to the point where buses had to park at Robert F. Kennedy Memorial (RFK) Stadium. The DC Metro subway system took protesters to the march rally area. An escalator collapsed which hurt several people and forces the protesters to walk miles into the city.

The March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation — April 25, 1993

March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation 1993 – Flickr – CC

This protest covered the National Mall with between 800,000 and a million people. The LBGT community called for advances in civil rights bills against discrimination, an increase in AIDS research funding, and reproductive rights.

Million Man March — October 16, 1995

Million Man March 1995 – Wikopedia

This watershed 1995 protest event is estimated to have broken the 1 million attendee barrier. This rally was to unite the Black community. The march was organized by Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan with speakers that included Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, and the Reverend Jesse L. Jackson. Estimates for those attending range from 400,000 to 1.1 million participants its considered one of the top largest protest marches in U.S. history.

The March for Women’s Lives in Washington DC — April 25, 2004

March for Women’s Lives 2004 – Wikopedia

In 2004, the March for Women’s Lives was considered the largest pro-choice protests in Washington DC. Organizers were protesting the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act and other restrictions on abortion.Between 500,000 and 1.1 million protesters converged on the city.

Organizers claimed that attendees were estimated at 1.15 million people and declaring it “the largest protest in U.S. history”, The National Park Service and media estimated the crowds at 500,000 and 800,000.

The Women’s March on Washington — January 21, 2017

Women’s March on Washington 2017 – Thumbwind Publications

1,500,000 women converged on Washington DC the day after President Donald Trump’s inauguration. Keynote speakers included Scarlett Johansson and Gloria Steinem. The record-breaking crowds wore iconic pink cat hats. This is considered the largest one-day protest march in American history. An estimated 4.2 million came out in 600 US cities.

March For Our Lives – March 24, 2018

March For Our Lives 2018 – Wikimedia

Students from Stoneman Douglas High School took center stage and organized the national event after a school shooting left 17 classmates dead. Organized after the February 14 shooting, students mastered social, cable, and broadcast media to urge gun control. The protest March For Our Lives on the streets of Washington DC was to demand that lives and safety become a priority and end gun violence.

An estimated 500,000 marched on Pennsylvania Avenue demanding stricter gun laws. Protests were organized outside of Washington DC were attended by approximately 1.2 to 2 million attendees. Making the one-day event one of the largest protest marches in United States history.

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